Elusive

I feel like I’ve forgotten how to write.

I mean, obviously, I’m writing this, so the technical skills are there, but the creative side of it seems to be eluding me for some odd reason.  It’s almost like I can’t remember how I used to put stories together in my head and then let them spill out through my fingers.  I swear that once upon a time it felt effortless, or at least there was a process that required some effort, but it was there. I knew how to use it, how to make things fit together and work.

Now it feels almost as though I’m blind and unable to generate ideas at all. I stare at a scene I’ve written and think: “Now what? How do I start another scene?”

It’s weird. And upsetting.

Some would say it’s because I’m stressed. Others because I set my pants on auto-pilot and hope I don’t need to change them partway through. There are the daily demands of being a decent parent, the worries of “what-if” and “when” and “how will I deal with” that have now become a constant background hum in my brain.

But still. Writing is a refuge for me. It’s a way to hide from the ugliness of real life where I get to play and set the rules and where *I*, at least, am not disappointed in how things turned out. It’s supposed to be the one place I can hide from reality. The one place that’s supposed to be… easier, I guess.

Now it eludes me.

And I find this very troubling.

 

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About kattywampusbooks

A SAHM with delusions of literacy.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized, Writer, Writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Elusive

  1. pjlazos says:

    I hate when this happens. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it is exasperating. Have you tried morning pages? Or short timed writing exercises where you do stream of consciousness writing. Pick a word at random from the dictionary and write about it for five minutes. Anything for a jump start. Good luck!

    Like

    • Sometimes I can wriggle around it by writing in another media – so instead of the computer, writing with dead trees, but lately, it feels like all my old tricks are abandoning me or are no longer supported, which sucks, because I don’t think I can acquire an updated brain model. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • pjlazos says:

        😂😂😂 I think the answer is to take a nap or read a book or go to the movies, i.e., do less until the well fills up again. 😘

        Like

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