*This s a long and perhaps self-pitying post. If you choose to skip it, I wouldn’t blame you.*
Starting at around spring break, this summer has been 4 Iron Man competitions and an Olympic Pentathlon crammed into the course of a full marathon, run at a sprint while juggling live squid. Occasionally a clown chases me while carrying a running chainsaw to make the course more “challenging.”
I’ll pause for a moment to let that visual sink in.
Impetigo, planning the eclipse viewing, braces consult, oral surgery, helping the hoarders in-laws pack and move, dance rehearsal, dance recital, end of season cub scouts meetings, spousal job change (twice), supervising weekly archery practice, car to the shop, house maintenance, return car to shop (three times) to fix a natural gas smell coming from the vents that hadn’t been there before they worked on it, find decent, affordable and one-man portable foam for the archery program to continue outdoors, help the in-laws move furniture and largish items about their new house, spouse getting laid off, fundraising for the archery foam, take the car to a different shop because the first refused to acknowledge the problem (twice – the second shop had to repair everything the first shop did, and then a second visit to figure out what/how the natural gas smell was occurring through my vents), spouse getting new job (third one in six months), father in hospital (thrice – once for emergency surgery, others for fevers and infections after said surgery), summer dance lessons, gearing up as Cub Scouts Den Leader (because I’m stuck with it after being made defacto Den Leader halfway through last year), putting together an archery event proposal for September 2018, discovering eclipse glasses purchased 4 months ago were fakes with 9 days left on the clock, tracking down budget materials to plan the next school year because I’m also Pack Treasurer in addition to Den Leader, running around trying to find new eclipse glasses or lose the viewing plans altogether, nailing down dates for summer 2018 plans with the grandparents and the husband wanting 2 entirely separate things, traveling to Wyoming (only took 5 hours), coming up with a school year schedule that allows me to deal with everything plus the workout requirements to keep my knees and back in functioning condition, traveling to the totality zone (2.5 hours as expected), traveling back from Wyoming (should have only taken 7.5 hours total but took 11 (we stopped for the night in Ft, Collins and then continued the next morning), crushing my homicidal desires towards my husband, fall dance lessons, 6 months of email to go through that I haven’t had time to check (power skimming The Passive Voice and Rocky Mountain Writer and the like are easy, I just have to have a few days in which I can sit down and just do it by sender (there’s a couple hundred between those 2 and Lee Lofland’s posts about real police work, but you can’t power skim Rusch’s weekly Wednesday Business Musings – those take time and brainpower to muscle through with comprehension. 1, maybe 2 a day, at most), 7 and a half HOURS of online BSA training to be a Den Leader and a Pack Committee member (4 hours of which were thinly disguised sales pitches – “If you would like more information, purchase these materials…”), trying to learn LibreOffice on my own…
It’s been a rather busy summer. I don’t have a brain left. I’m tired.
I have done no writing. Zilch. I’d been planning on at least a little time, but that time did not happen. That time and energy wouldn’t fit in my schedule with a mallet and a pot of grease. Get up earlier than the kids? The kids took that as an invitation to get up earlier with mom. Go to bed later than the kids? I could barely see straight by the time we’d tucked them in for the night.
And now here we are at the Annual School Year Resolution post. Which is being posted much later than it was supposed to, because of the aforementioned activities.
I don’t foresee getting a lot of writing done this year, either.
Did you know stress can be a total creativity killer? I’ve heard about people who get all creative when they’re stressed out. I’ve had someone tell me that I’m slacker because while she raised and home-schooled 7 kids, she was still able to push out a romance novel every year (not an exaggeration – someone actually told me that one, combined with a snide comment that I just didn’t have the dedication, desire and time-management skills to succeed).
No pressure, really.
While I was in Wyoming to see the eclipse (The drive back was horrible, but it was totally worth it, in my opinion.) I was able to do some thinking (being trapped in a car with 2 kids who can and do self-entertain and a husband who absolutely refuses to let you drive because – his reasons -, leaves you time and mental space to do such a thing, even when you are reading, writing or trying to do a small project) , and discovered *gasp* there are some things that I can get rid of, while many I feel I cannot (Short of a nasty divorce, I don’t see trimming out family very easily.).
Bottom line: There isn’t a lot of room for me AND them. It’s me OR them.
For some reason, you get a bad parenting/spouse certificate if you choose yourself over “them,” but you’re not a “whole person, treating yourself with respect and fulfilling your potential” if you choose “them.”
Same with “friends.” The Gods forbid you put your needs ahead of their own (I’m not talking about knifing someone in the back to get that promotion at work. More like “I’m not interested in doing activity X, I’ve made plans to do this other thing,” and the friend proceeds to make you feel as though you’ve chosen badly because it wasn’t what they wanted. Although, adult family tends to fall in this category as well.).
So this year’s School Year Resolutions will focus on survival. I will finish out my obligations for those activities/persons that don’t quite serve my needs (quietly, politely, pushing them off to the side to find someone else to nag), while maintaining those that I simply can’t trim out for one reason or another. By this time next year, I hope to be carrying a smaller load of excess crap, physically and emotionally.
Perhaps that will get my writing moving again.