A Dark Desire…

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I have a confession to make.

I want to be my characters.

Even my most pathetic, wallpaper background character has more courage than I do.

I want to live my characters’ adventures. I want to be able to throw responsibility to the wind and not have to pay the price for it. I want friends I can trust with my life. I want companions interested in seeing the world with me. I want lovers that can make me writhe in ecstasy and beg for more.

I want to vent my rage at everyone who angers me with their slights. I want to look back on everyday and not feel regret for how I’ve spent my life. I don’t want to care about how my actions affect other people. I want to feel desired. I want to be pleasantly surprised that things turned out so well from a steaming hot mess.

I want to be 39 going on 40, feeling like 28, not 39 going on 60, feeling like 97.

You can change, they say. Every day, every moment. Is a new chance.

True. It is.

But I can’t have even half of what I want without destroying everyone else around me.

Perhaps that’s why I write. So I can pretend the real world doesn’t exist. So I can live out hopes and dreams without negative consequence.

I don’t want to be on my deathbed supremely pissed and sobbing that I didn’t get what I wanted done.

Which I suspect will be the case. So I live vicariously through my characters, and hope that it’s enough.

Check out the Insecure Writer’s Support Group to see more writers dish about their concerns, their solutions to various problems, or just a general fear of spiders.

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About kattywampusbooks

A SAHM with delusions of literacy.
This entry was posted in Random, Writer, Writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to A Dark Desire…

  1. If we were do to the things our characters did in stories, we would end up dead or in prison (at least the kind of stories I write). It’s probably much safer just to work out our fantasies and idle dreams in fiction. 😐

    IWSG November Post

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  2. Writers are the only serial killers the world cheers for…

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  3. cgcoppola says:

    Sometimes I want to be my heroine. She’s badass (I think/hope) and I throw a lot of challenges at her, things that I simply KNOW I would die from (claustrophobia, depths of the ocean, giant, spider-like creatures). Also, I hooked her up with a hottie, so I’d like to enjoy everything she does 😉 😉

    Writing is cathartic. It’s an escape. You should escape. But live in your real life too. You’ll need those experiences to pass onto your characters.

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    • Yeah…
      It’s just changing diapers and the like doesn’t flow well with excitement.

      Unless of course, you’re throwing the diapers at people you don’t like. I suppose that could constitute excitement and increasing the tension for a plot.

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  4. Do what you can as you and do the rest through your characters!

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