Ah, the new year! We’ve had a month to settle in, give our resolutions a go (often in a stop, start, wait-how-can-I-make-this-work-for-me, start again, kind of way), and maybe reassess if that’s how we’re going to do things.
My magic word for 2023 is FOCUS.
Thus far, I have focused on everything EXCEPT writing.
It has been postulated that I am clearing the decks, getting more stuff out of the way to make it easier for me to focus on the writing bit.
It’s possible, I suppose. The last 6-7 months have been something of a doozy, so that probably doesn’t help. It could be just straight-up avoidance, too. I mean, and let’s be real here for a minute, the scariest part is that blank canvas staring back at you. The first mark, the first word can be the scariest thing, because now you’re committed. Now you HAVE to do something with that canvas and IT HAD BETTER BE SOMETHING GOOD, DAMMIT, otherwise YOU JUST RUINED IT!!!!!
Or is that just me?
Fear is definitely a thing that’s blocking me at the moment. After asking the above question, I took an unnecessary 1 hour break to start a wire tree sculpture. It’s about halfway done.
Perhaps it’s embarrassment of what will come out and how bad it could be because it’s been so long? Kinda like when you haven’t worked out in two years and now one of your goals is to get back into a shape OTHER than round, but the fear of BEING SEEN WHILE YOU’RE OUT OF SHAPE, trying to change that condition, is near paralyzing (another thing I’m dealing with right now, although, in my defense, the last two years were spent in ever increasing amounts of bodily pain that have only just now been resolved, but the fear of being seen while trying to work out in any context is still pretty intense).
After writing the above paragraph, I dug through my stash to find some leather and horsehair scraps, which I have every intention of adding to the wire sculpture. I think it will look nice, once done. Need some real wood sticks though. I’ll have to soak them in water for a few weeks to get them pliable enough to bend them the way I want them to go without breaking them.
What was I writing about, again?
Ah! Yes! Avoiding writing. But why would I be afraid of doing such a thing? I’ve always done it; for almost 40 years I’ve written stories (very few were any good, but cut me some slack-very few 9 year olds write so well that they become a storybook sensation overnight).
True, everyone has an inner critic, and sometimes that guy just won’t shut up. Not everyone has a muse, but the common wisdom is that if you start without her, she’ll eventually show up, like the ever-late auntie at a family reunion who only shows up long enough to dole out some advice, snatch a drink, some snacks and then disappears when no one is watching.
My inner researcher is…well, she’s got tunnel vision at the moment, and the writer-
Dammit, where’s she gone again!?
Check out the Insecure Writer’s Support Group to see more writers dish about their concerns, their solutions to various problems, or, like me, whine the whole damned time.